2009?

Here at the Minougherty Report, we thought the best way to usher in 2009 would be to list a few of the things we learned in 2008 that could help you make it through this next year... We know its gonna be a tight one as far as the money situation goes. Luckily we're ALWAYS broke so we've got lots of tips in that department. 

Lets see

• The pool table at Boulders on Broadway is broken so you can play as much pool as you want there for free. Lots of weird beers, and almost always empty so staff is attentive. 
• Stealing from Safeway, once a sure bet, is not recommended by the Minougherty Report. Security has tightened considerably, although it is still far more lax than anywhere else in Tempe. If you must... optimum hours are between 5:30 and 7:30 p.m. when the store is busiest, and just before close when the security guards have already gone home. Note that theft is a crime and the Minougherty Report does not in any way condone such actions. 
• Don't get a DUI! For fucking serious. The Minougherty Report has been known a time or two to get behind the wheel with beer goggles firmly attached; but no more. Sheriff Joe has cracked down like a motherfucker and you can get nailed with serious jail time with two beers in your system. If they're gonna bust Sir Charles, they sure won't have a problem busting your ass, no matter your cup size. The Minougherty Report currently has an agent undercover in tent city and the reports from inside are bleak. No bongs, no pipes, no hookas, not a single luxury. Sleeping conditions are shit, ice cold in the winter, 115 in the summer, bitch ass guards, no body piercings, and of course the moldy baloney is not a fairy tale. So yeah, ride a bike. Or something. 
• Such as the light rail! If you feel that you haven't been pressed face to jelly roll with enough stupid fat people lately, ride the light rail as much as possible. Better yet, ride a bus. Honestly the light rail is cheap, fast, and easy on the eyes. But 11 o'clock as the last ride? Maybe in Mesa that time works, (I don't think Mormons are allowed to be out that late) but for the rest of us the light rail is nothing but a great way to get stranded in downtown Phoenix for the night. Yeesh.
• Cheaper than Mill:

Palo Verde Lounge

Yucca Tap Room

Pranksters (Try the Irish Nachos)

Time Out Lounge (Have a horizontal i.d. or expect shit. Also don't try to drink from a flask in here, they're perceptive fuckers.)

Sneakers (Way way cheap and the waitresses will give you free drinks. We think it's a mob front. Also half assed carding for those who care.)

• Way cheaper than Mill: House shows (See photo.) They're everywhere. Listen for music and BYOB. Maple/Ash, Hardy and University, and between Spence and the tracks. 

Yeah shit, I guess we didn't really learn that much this year. At least not stuff that will help you. Sorry.

Wait wait, Bugler tobacco is only $1.83 basically everywere. And it doesn't taste that bad. So stop wasting money on pfunks and learn to roll your own death sticks.