Another college football post (tis the season)

Contrary to Joey's post below, I find college football to be an entertaining but ultimately despicable affair. At least the NFL prides itself on being in it for the money. The NCAA, on the other hand, likes to pretend it cares about the athletes. Anyways this lil article from over at Slate Magazine lays out the absurdity of the BCS system as well as anything else I've ever read. Plus its not written by some jackass over at FoxSports.com <= As a rule those dudes suck ass.

So anyways check out that slate thing...

Wish we had a USC Utah game, with the winner playing Florida. I just really wanna see somebody knock that smug fucking look off uberbro Tebow's face. If I hear one more damn thing about his missionary work and saving babies while he is up on the screen beating his chest like an ape I'm going to need a new tv. I hope he goes pro this offseason so he can descend into mediocrity.

what a fucking prick.

The Insight Bowl v. US Armed Services

College football is my favorite American sport. It has the potential to be a beacon of light in a sports world mired by greedy owners and egomaniacal players. However, due to the postseason format, every college football season ends the same way: a clusterfuck of good teams with no discernible champion, and 30 other bowl games that really, really suck. The Insight Bowl is one of those games. Its great that Tempe still has a bowl game after Glendale stole the Fiesta Bowl from under our noses, but even on a beautiful December day, the last of the year, its hard to get too excited about the Kansas-Minnesota match up. Both teams are 7-5, unranked, and playing for, in the eyes of an unbiased observer, absolutely nothing. The battle on the field was uninspired, with KU clearly superior to a Minnesota squad that displayed nothing even remotely bowl worthy on either side of the ball. Kansas won, beers were 11 bucks, there was no re-entry at halftime, and I'm not a big fan of Midwestern women. Still, it was good to walk into Sun Devil Stadium one time this year without leaving thoroughly disgusted by the Sun Devil football program. 

It being the 31st of december, our trip to the stadium took on different meaning, as we walked backwards a block to ride the light rail for the first time. Things took a strange turn early on, as we walked passed the trailer park on terrace, two old men in a little beat up car drove past and hollered something about getting haircuts and joining the army.... at the Dorsey light rail station 3 heavily armored cars roared past on a mission of certain destruction. The train was packed, and our first attempt at green travel in the valley was thwarted by angry geriatrics who, apparently, cant stand the sweet stench of youth. Without the train, we were forced to walk to the stadium.... 

Planes circled, 5 Members of the US military preformed precision jumps onto the fifty yard line, and three jets streaked by at high speed. A weak postseason matchup was trounced by the demonstration of power put on by the military. Long live football, Say goodbye to Bush's Army.

2009?

Here at the Minougherty Report, we thought the best way to usher in 2009 would be to list a few of the things we learned in 2008 that could help you make it through this next year... We know its gonna be a tight one as far as the money situation goes. Luckily we're ALWAYS broke so we've got lots of tips in that department. 

Lets see

• The pool table at Boulders on Broadway is broken so you can play as much pool as you want there for free. Lots of weird beers, and almost always empty so staff is attentive. 
• Stealing from Safeway, once a sure bet, is not recommended by the Minougherty Report. Security has tightened considerably, although it is still far more lax than anywhere else in Tempe. If you must... optimum hours are between 5:30 and 7:30 p.m. when the store is busiest, and just before close when the security guards have already gone home. Note that theft is a crime and the Minougherty Report does not in any way condone such actions. 
• Don't get a DUI! For fucking serious. The Minougherty Report has been known a time or two to get behind the wheel with beer goggles firmly attached; but no more. Sheriff Joe has cracked down like a motherfucker and you can get nailed with serious jail time with two beers in your system. If they're gonna bust Sir Charles, they sure won't have a problem busting your ass, no matter your cup size. The Minougherty Report currently has an agent undercover in tent city and the reports from inside are bleak. No bongs, no pipes, no hookas, not a single luxury. Sleeping conditions are shit, ice cold in the winter, 115 in the summer, bitch ass guards, no body piercings, and of course the moldy baloney is not a fairy tale. So yeah, ride a bike. Or something. 
• Such as the light rail! If you feel that you haven't been pressed face to jelly roll with enough stupid fat people lately, ride the light rail as much as possible. Better yet, ride a bus. Honestly the light rail is cheap, fast, and easy on the eyes. But 11 o'clock as the last ride? Maybe in Mesa that time works, (I don't think Mormons are allowed to be out that late) but for the rest of us the light rail is nothing but a great way to get stranded in downtown Phoenix for the night. Yeesh.
• Cheaper than Mill:

Palo Verde Lounge

Yucca Tap Room

Pranksters (Try the Irish Nachos)

Time Out Lounge (Have a horizontal i.d. or expect shit. Also don't try to drink from a flask in here, they're perceptive fuckers.)

Sneakers (Way way cheap and the waitresses will give you free drinks. We think it's a mob front. Also half assed carding for those who care.)

• Way cheaper than Mill: House shows (See photo.) They're everywhere. Listen for music and BYOB. Maple/Ash, Hardy and University, and between Spence and the tracks. 

Yeah shit, I guess we didn't really learn that much this year. At least not stuff that will help you. Sorry.

Wait wait, Bugler tobacco is only $1.83 basically everywere. And it doesn't taste that bad. So stop wasting money on pfunks and learn to roll your own death sticks.